When I think of my past, I never think of it as a linear history. I actually prefer not to. But I think how I look at my past has influenced how I feel about my present, as a piece of a puzzle that will never be assembled. All my experiences are separate, creating a fractured past. My current experience does not build upon the last, and my future experience will not build upon this one. I haven’t necessarily grown through these experiences, which makes me question their worth at times.
To illustrate, I think most growth can be thought of as a graphed line, with time on x axis and growth on the y. Normal growth would be some sort of progression starting from the vertex, and increasing diagonally up and to the right. Of course, most people don’t have a perfectly normal personal growth pattern, but it follows the same formula, essentially. Mine is more of a scatter plot. With location on the x axis and growth on the y. When I’m in one place, I seem to have grown a significant amount. But if I go back to another, I revert back to how I was the last time I was there.
None of it makes much sense. It always feels like I’m trying to start over, in some capacity. Trying to avoid reverting back to how I was before. Trying to become someone completely different because I don’t like who I was before. And that’s not what life should be about. I should be able to integrate all of my experiences. Maybe not into a linear progression, but hopefully into some sort of clearer picture.
John Berger Ways of Seeing
#it’s okay to follow creepshots but when a celebrity’s nudes are leaked she’s a slut #it’s perfectly normal to watch objectifying porn but when a woman decides to film herself having sex she’s a whore #it’s alright for you to harass women on the street but when they approach you first it’s arrogance #it’s cool for you to fantasize about a woman who’s out of your league but when a woman you deem unattractive likes you you’re disgusted #no don’t worry you can make female bodies public property but when they discuss your masturbation habits you can be offended
daily reminder that the boy you’re in love with at 16 probably won’t matter when you’re 25.
daily reminder that the math test you failed your freshman year of high school probably won’t matter when you’re graduating college.
daily reminder that the problems you’re facing today may seem like the worlds end, but they will not matter in a year.
daily reminder that you’re going to be okay.
everything is going to be okay.
Memories are living portraits of the past
painted with knowing smiles and bitter tears
permanently etched upon the canvas of the soul
each lovingly hung to decorate the walls of sorrow
residing deep within the hearts of everyone
frozen moments, timeless mementos of all
we’ve loved, and in the end ultimately lost
bittersweet reminders of life’s impermanence
and, as is the case with all things here
even love and dreams must one day die
the size of my thighs makes me so sad
Get out and run.
Do not worry about the rest.
Make running a lifestyle. A daily habit, like brushing your teeth. If you run 300+ days a year, every year, for several years, good things will come your way. Start now. Doesn’t matter if you are 16 years old or 66.
If you want to be a decent runner you must get out and run; the rest is just noise.
Get the running in first— that is the foundation. Then: Eat mostly good stuff. Get enough sleep. Stretch if you want to— or don’t. Lift if you like lifting. Cross-train if it makes you happy. Wear minimalist shoes or big bulky ones, whichever you prefer. Listen to music when you run, or not. You can carry water with you on a long run, or you can go without. If you want to do a core routine, then do it— but first you must get out and run.
Run on trails, or streets, or on a treadmill, whatever works for you. Run slowly. Run quickly. Run up hills. Run in the rain. Run in the snow, the heat, the cold. Run into the wind. Run on the days that you do not feel like running. Run on the days that you can’t wait to get out and run. Run with friends. Run alone. Run races. Run in the country. Run in the city. Run in parks. Run when you feel happy. Run when you are depressed. Run when you have a ton of energy. Run when you are feeling like shit. Run when you feel good. Run in the morning. Run at night. Run before work. Run after work. Run."